About Jeff Albert

Store Manager for Amethyst Galleries, Inc.

Do I look like Satan, or what??? Since then I got my hairs cut(all of them) and have put on about 30 lbs., which I am trying to do something about. It's not that easy when you spend 8-10 hours of every day on your tuckus, and the only things on your body that get a real workout are your fingers, due to vast quantities of typing. So here I am, living in lovely low-cost Dayton, Ohio, with my fiancee(its always two "e"s when you are writing about a woman, and one "e" when writing about a man- trust me, we Frenchmen have a very fine sense about these things), Lori, three Himalayan cats (Evil, Nefarious, and Smudge), and one Red-eared Slider turtle whom Lori named "Mr. Grainger", after the crotchety salesman in the British sit-com, "Are You Being Served?" We usually call Evil either "Mr. Evil" or "The Fat One", as he tends to be a bit pudgy. Nefarious is thus called "The Not-so-fat One", and Smudge, being the vicious, fuzzy thing that she is, is simply called "The Foof". Trust me, all of their names and nicknames fit them perfectly.

I have built a new page of minerals, collectibles, and other assorted "poop" that I have amassed in my scant years on this earth, and would like to share it with you all. This page is called the

Jeff's Cool Poop

page, and so far contains only a small percentage of the "cool poop" that I presently possess.

Okay, mental challenge, here; I was listening to the radio one morning on the way to work when I heard a rock version of ABC's old "Schoolhouse Rock" song, Lolly, lolly, lolly, get your adverbs here. It got me thinking a bit, and I was able to come up with four adverbs that do not end in "-ly". I challenge you to exceed that, and e-mail me(click on my name at the top of the page) with your results. That should keep you busy for, say, about 10 minutes(that's about how long it took me, anyway). It is two weeks since I wrote the last few sentences, and I have increased the list to about 30 adverbs. I'll give you a hint- their etymology shows that 99% of these adverbs are of English/Germanic origin. Most of the "ly"-ending adverbs are of Latin/Greeek origin. That should make it very easy for you.

I am really into philosophy and quotable quotes, proverbs, and "old sayings"- they go hand in hand, almost. My favorite is an old Mexican proverb that quite simply states:

"Three people can keep a secret, if two of them are dead."
I read a lot of books, when I have the time(not nearly as much as I used to). I abhor having a "favorite" in anything, but I must say that the author I appreciate above all others is the illustrious and colorful Hunter S. Thompson In most books that I read, I will find one or two paragraphs, passages, sentences, or phrases that I find worthy of quotation, or, that I would basically want to put on a T-shirt for everyone in the world to see. In every book that I have read by Hunter S. Thompson, about half of each one's written volume consists of such material. Who else could write the equivalent of a cult classic in written form that begins with the sentence:

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold.
He is one of the most vicious, hilarious and horrific writers in the history of the written word, and anybody who is not faint of heart or easily insulted should read a bit. I plan to create a page of quotes out of his book, and put a link right about

GONZO

there.

Yes, I listen to a lot of music. My tastes run from Beethoven (loved the movie with Gary Oldman, and I really like the Fifth Symphony, second movement, which almost nobody knows), to Debussey, to King Crimson, Jethro Tull, Yes, (can you say the word "dinosaur"?), to the inevitable Frank Zappa and Captain Beefheart, on to New Order and Yello, Tangerine Dream, Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, Queensryche ("Silent Lucidity" is an absolute masterpiece), and Howlin' Wolf, Muddy Waters, ZZ Top, and even Dread Zeppelin! (Whew!) I also am into music made exclusively for television, such as the entire collection of "Charlie Brown"- related compositions (the album is called "Vince Guaraldi - Good Grief!"), any Warner Bros. cartoon background music (the album I have is "The Carl Stalling Project," and must be some of the most orchestrally difficult music ever composed), and other TV- related music and scores.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to toss my "Z (Ahmet and Dweezil Zappa), 'Shampoohorn' " compact disc into the stereo- it's not as funky as their dad's stuff, and is a bit more hard rock/quasi-grunge-oriented. It is extremely good: at least as good as Frank's! Zappa fans can find their own version of "a wonderful place" in St. Alphonso's Pancake Homepage.

Then, of course, there is the ultimate ZappaMecca, the oFFICIAl zAPPa hOMEPAGe. From here, you can send Ahmet and Dweezil e-mail and find out all sorts of wonderful tidbits concerning America's "Model Family".

Unfortunately, the Weird and Wonderful Quotes page no longer exists, but I DID find the Shakespearean Insult page-- this is just about right for me!

There is no website more unique than the Squashed Bug Zoo, but not if you're squeamish.

The newest secret word is pithecanthropus, which is the genus of a species of "proto-man", or neanderthal. It is a very good word to refer to people who go too fast in the slow lane, or for anyone that might make the user angry.

Oh yes, I almost forgot, I sometimes do impersonations...

Marvin Martian

Lenny

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